Sometimes, the term ‘selfcare‘ can sound extravagant, indulgent, new-agey (especially with a hashtag!) or simply something we just don’t have any time for in our busy lives. For some people, it even sounds inherently WRONG, as though speaking about looking after oneself were some sort of crime, and that we should only ever be thinking about and putting OTHERS first. But here is something important to remember:
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GIVE FROM AN EMPTY PLACE
If the cup is empty, how can somebody drink from it? If you have no food, what do you give to your guests? If you’re angry or depressed, how can you give positive feeling to others? Self care is an absolutely essential part of any healthy, GIVING life. We have to give ourselves what we need in order to be able to help others too. We have to model self-respect, before others will give it to us, and we have to show how we take care of ourselves, to inspire others to do the same.
Here are 5 self care strategies that you can think about and implement immediately:
#Selfcare 1: Establish Healthy Boundaries
If you’re tired, or you just don’t want to do something that is requested of you (or feels like a ‘should’ moment), then just say NO! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SAYING NO! Establishing healthy boundaries for yourself will not only protect you from those who may be a drain on your inner resources, but will also model healthy behaviour to those who are important to you i.e., children and friends.
Remember that establishing healthy boundaries also means being strong enough to not take things to heart that people may say, or try to say, about you. We each have as many opinions of us as we know people, and not everybody will have the capacity to see our soul, or to judge us as we feel we deserve to be judged – often due to their own personal dramas, past experiences and potential ignorance or lack of empathy. Taking everything to heart is normal, but useless! it is also often a sign that you need healthier ways of protecting yourself.
#Selfcare 2: Schedule In Some Alone Time
Although the word ‘schedule’ may induce panic, it is surprising how many people find themselves so caught up in the lives of others, that they forget that everyone needs time just to ‘be.’
For the thinkers out there, this may mean being alone with thoughts – writing, doodling, philosophising…..for the feelers, it may mean reflecting, going over the day, untangling, breathing, and for the more sensate, it may mean using candles, aromas, meditation and physical stretching or movement – for example, walking in nature. It may also be a time to connect with your spiritual beliefs and do some prayer, singing, chanting or playing music.
Whatever ‘alone time’ means to you, make sure you take some each day, if possible, and certainly at least each week.
#Selfcare 3: Discover A Way To Express Feeling
Have you ever heard the expression that “feelings eat you up?” It wasn’t invented out of nowhere! Strong feelings such as pain, hurt, anger, resentment, betrayal , frustration and sadness need to be expressed in order to be processed and eventually transformed into something more positive. Many people who are ‘wonderful’ at hiding or repressing feeling end up in therapy years after the traumatic event because feelings DON’T just ‘go away’ – they’re there for a reason and there’s often a learning to take from them.
Whether it is talking to a friend, screaming in a forest, driving out to mid Connemara to do some abstract art, writing into a journal or committing to counselling, make sure you have a way of expressing your feelings that feels right for you. And if it isn’t working, find a better way!
#Selfcare 4: Do Something Special For Yourself Each Week
Try to take a couple of hours each week to do something really special. Whether it’s a massage, a night out with friends, a movie night in, a loooooong lie in, or a weekend trip to somewhere new, make sure it is something that will make you feel great. You are the person who knows yourself better than anyone, so choose something that you know you’ll enjoy.
If you don’t have money, remember that there are always ways to find free activities in your area, and even free pampering! You could speak to colleges that train masseurs who need case studies, or ask your friends who they know. If you know anybody who is a trained massage therapist, hairdresser, beautician, physiotherapist, fitness trainer…etc, then perhaps they can offer you some sort of skills exchange.
#Selfcare 5: Reflect!
A key element of self care, and one which needs to happen often BEFORE any of the above, is ensuring that you know yourself, aka SELF AWARENESS.
What is your love language – i.e., what is it that makes you feel special and loved? Are you a words person, and is reading books therefore a great way to relax you? Are you a surprises person, meaning that you need to voice this to your partner in order to spice up your relationship? Are you a physical touch person, in which case you need plenty of physical self care and body awareness? Or are you an ‘acts of service’ person, in which case you need to find a way of having people around you who will help you to get things done. Take some time to research the book by Gary Chapman ‘the 5 love languages.’
You might also want to reflect on your life purpose and direction. Are you happy with where you’re going? If not, it might be time to take some strategic measures to change your life direction.
Please do feel free to contact me if you’d like me to send you some personal questions to reflect upon, which may help you to become more aware of what you’re about and where you’re going.
FOR THE FUTURE…
I hope that this article has been useful to you. If you have any comments or questions, please do get in touch. I am a registered psychotherapist, complementary therapies practitioner and NLP coach and I would be delighted to help you with any of the above – either via skype or face to face therapy in Galway.
