I recently spoke with a lady in her early 30s – slim, attractive, feminine; not a pound over 8 stone and about 5 foot 3 inches tall.
I was surprised when the conversation turned to some very substantial worries that she had about her ‘big manly shoulders,’ ‘wide hips’ and ‘masculine gait.’ She was convinced that most people, particularly her new boyfriend, both noticed and negatively judged all of these supposedly obvious characteristics . It was sad to listen to this strong yet miserable narrative.
Of course, she is not the only one whose mirror image seems to reflect back something different to what others see. Many of us see things in our reflection which do not at all match what others say or feel about us. It can be difficult to determine what the reality is – as well as the extent to which it should ‘matter.’
According to the NHS, Body Dysmorphia (or BDD) affects about 1% of the UK population, though I would argue that this figure is higher. Many people stay quiet about their insecurities, afraid that if they voice them, they’ll somehow become more real.
BDD is not a question of vanity, but of deep insecurity and a yearning or need for perfection which can never be achieved.
What exactly is BDD?
Body Dysmorphic Disorder is the name for this destructive pattern of thinking that is present when somebody is constantly comparing him or herself negatively to others (friends, family, colleagues, images in the media). It is when one pays heed to that voice inside the head which claims to be too fat, too wide, too old, too young, too bony, too lopsided or just not good enough. It often sets in during adolescence and can exist throughout life, particularly during times of change.
Officially, BDD is: “An anxiety disorder that causes sufferers to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance and to have a distorted view of how they look. For example, a barely visible scar can seem like a major flaw.”
What happens to those who suffer?
For many, symptoms of BDD are minor. Other sufferers develop habits and characteristics designed to cover up the ‘defects,’ which over time can be comparable to symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Still others may develop severe depression and problems in relationships, perhaps needing constant reassurance from partners. Some end up in psychiatric care, convinced they are unacceptable.
How can things improve?
Healing from symptoms of body dysmorphia can be very difficult, especially if you have no support. There is a need to identify where destructive patterns of thinking originate, to understand your perception of ‘truth,’ and to work out how to put new thought patterns into place, in a way that makes sense for you as an individual.
You must also forgive yourself for your own perceived shortcomings, and learn to love yourself regardless of how you look or feel. This means changing the habit of turning your back on yourself and succumbing to negative judgements. If you can do the latter, you will realise that everything we or others see on the surface is just transitory and is so for a reason; what really matters is what is hidden to the eye.
If you would like help with identifying and tackling the symptoms of body dysmorphia, you may find counselling helpful. Contact jeni@soulfocustherapy.com or get in touch on (00 353) 87 432 9466.